THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ACT OR SAT, A SCREENPLAY

INT.  BEDROOM – THE NIGHT BEFORE THE ACT OR SAT

RICH sits at a desk covered with ACT and SAT related paraphernalia, several pencils, two calculators. His hair is tussled, and he is clearly agitated.

He suddenly picks up his phone and dials.

CUT TO INT.  BEDROOM – MOMENTS LATER

ALBERT, resting comfortably in bed, reads A-List’s Book of Knowledge. Upon hearing the phone ring, he answers it.

ALBERT

Hello?

CUTTING FROM ALBERT TO RICH

RICH

Yo bro, I’m freaking out! What about you?

ALBERT

About what?

RICH

The test tomorrow, stupid!

ALBERT

Oh, that.

RICH

You mean you’re not nervous?

ALBERT

Well, I’m a little apprehensive: I do need a pretty good score to qualify for that scholarship. But, I’m ready. I know everything in A-List’s Book of Knowledge. And, I even studied those additional words John gave us.

RICH

Who’s John?

ALBERT

Our teacher for the ACT and SAT!

RICH

You call him by his first name?

ALBERT

You don’t?

RICH

No way. He told me to call him Master Teacher. And, what additional words? He didn’t give me any additional words.

ALBERT

Oh. Uh. Well, he probably thought that given the already egregious dearth in your vocabulary, any further augmentation would have been unwarranted and perhaps even deleterious.

RICH

Speak English!!!

ALBERT

Nevermind.

RICH

Come on, bro.  Help me out! What can I do to prepare for this thing?

ALBERT

Nothing. Remember what John said?

RICH

Obviously not. I didn’t do a thing in that class.

ALBERT

Well, you really should have. And, John was a great teacher.

RICH

So, what did Master Teacher say?

ALBERT

He said that if you have to study the night before the test, then it’s too late.

RICH

That’s it? That’s all you got for me? Too bad – so sad? Thanks a lot! How opportunistic of you.

ALBERT

Uh, I think you mean altruistic.

RICH

No. I think I mean you are stupidistic.

ALBERT

Listen don’t place the onus for your lack of assiduousness on me. You’ve had months to prepare, but you squandered them. Now you must pay the price for your flippancy.

RICH

Onusnessness? Squander? Flipper? Who do you think you are with these big words?

ALBERT

Remember what John said?

RICH

I told you: I didn’t do a thing in that class.

ALBERT

Well, he said that there are no big words, just small minds.

RICH

You calling my mind small? You know what? I don’t need you!

ALBERT

You’re right. You don’t need me.

What you need is a miracle and to register for the next ACT and SAT because you obviously won’t do well tomorrow!

DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

This blog post was written by A-List Director of Staff & Curriculum Development, John Oh.